I am back with another Fitness update. No video this week because I have tried to film it over and over and it just did not seem enthusiastic enough. I gained AGAIN a whole 2 lbs. This process is EXTREMELY frustrated. I am angry with myself and it makes me regret past decisions. How is it that I can binge junk food and not workout for almost a week and lose 2 lbs. yet when I am working out every day and eating healthy I gain it back. It makes no sense! I am to the point now where it feels like I will never be less than 200 lbs. again. I really do not know what else to do. I’ve changed my workouts over and over to try and keep them interesting and every time I think it’s working…it’s not.
So while I sip on my green tea (a morning ritual hoping to speed up my metabolism) I really have to start to wonder if this is all worth it. Stepping on the scale gives me one of 2 emotions – Extreme overjoy or extreme anger. I am constantly getting the “stay patient and keep pushing” speech but honestly sometimes I want to scream “SHOVE IT” to all the people who are on a weight loss journey and are actually losing weight. I am so sick and tired of being in the 220-230 range that every time I walk by my wall with the weekly weights I want to burn it down.
Clearly if you cannot tell I am discouraged and highly ticked off. It does not mean that I am giving up. It just means that I want to scream out my frustration without hearing the usual “don’t give up, you can do it, there’s going to be ups and downs, just keep fighting” mumbo jumbo. I know a journey takes time but I have the right to be frustrated through this process.
I just want to be less than 200 lbs. already. Why is this so hard for me to do? OOO and also I dropped my calorie intake to no more than 1400. Yesterday I had 1375 and I did only 5 miles on the bike. O which reminds me my grand total for the May Cardio challenge is 34 miles from last week so I have 66 more miles to go. I keep thinking when I am on the bike that maybe the bike isn’t doing enough for me. I have also decided to start taking a 5 am cardio class on Wednesdays. Maybe an extra workout will help.
The only thing I haven’t tried is a personal trainer. My reasons are I am already paying for a gym membership why do I have to pay for someone to give me some good workouts to try? It should go with my monthly payments.
I pray for some nice weight loss this week. I apologize for the anger rants but I mean someone has to know and understand my frustration.
(Sips on tea) So until the next burst of thought…Adios