Week 10 Update ? Well Maybe

Hey Loves,

Something weird happened last night while I was at the gym. I mean like most days at the gym (especially leg day), I was going in. I was working out my glutes and completely in the zone and then I saw my coworker and it swiped my concentration. It honestly shocked me because I immediately felt self-conscious and wanted to move to another room where my coworker was no longer there. I don’t know where the overwhelming feeling came from. I am slightly disappointed in myself to be honest. I thought this was an obstacle that I crossed or hurdled (for a lack of a better word). I know I shouldn’t care because the whole purpose that most people go to the gym is to get better. However I am still not comfortable with my body and being close to other people when I work out. Am I the only one that moves to the other side of the gym when those really built chics start working out together? Hey maybe I am and that is fine with me because I know it’s one of those things. I tend to focus too much on what other people could possibly be thinking. Even though in reality it’s about 99.9999% guaranteed that they don’t even notice my presence. I guess I am really that self-conscious still.

I am disappointed that I let someone else take me out my zone but again this is another eye opening moment for me. This weight loss journey is about burning fat from my body and burning the “fat” from my mental as well. With weight comes a lot of mental no nos. by no nos I mean after a while you start becoming your own worst enemy. I recommend it for no one because it is honestly one obstacle/habit that is hard to break once it’s embedded in. You literally start feeling like what you do is no longer adequate or able to match everyone else’s. Instead of looking in the mirror like “o this is a cute outfit” my thoughts became “wow I can’t believe I had to buy such a big shirt for my fat arms”.

Luckily I don’t do that as often anymore. Partly due to this blog and my want to define my style. Apart of defining my style is defining me. So I guess that means it’s time to invest in some big headphones and some imaginary blinders. I am AWESOME when I go to the gym and no one should stop my mojo. Someone should be watching me from the side. Lol Yes that is how I feel and I guess I had to share it with you. Even if no one feels this way its apart of my journey. Definitely a different kind of update. Don’t worry next week I will go back to regular updates.

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